I'M SO HAPPY TO BE PREGNANT!!!!

I just spent a few minutes writing a post (below) about how terrible and awful I feel, and how I'm having a very difficult time being pregnant.  It is awfully hard and tough at the moment, but it is also, AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

I am soooooooooooooo excited!!! :)  I am overwhelmed a lot lately with all the 'hard' that comes with this time (that will hopefully be finished soon!!), but it feels like I have a bunch of layers of hard, starting at the outside - physically it's so hard, I'm so sick, then there's the next layer in of emotional hard - hard not being as 'there' as I want to be for the children, hard not looking after my husband and making his food the way I like to, hard being completely helpless and reliant on others to get my children to school, etc., being so useless, bla bla, bla Actually I think the emotional hard is a few layers all on its own.

But THEN, inside of me, right at the centre, surrounded by all the hard, is a sparkling ball of excitement and anticipation and wonder and gratitude and thrill and SO MUCH LOVE, that sends shivers and happiness through all my other layers when I can push aside the 'sick' and 'guilt' enough to let it!!!

Because we're having another BABY!!!!

We have 4 so far and there's not one among them who isn't AWESOME and AMAZING and INCREDIBLE, and one of the BIGGEST BLESSINGS OF OUR LIVES!!!!

And those little angels are sure excited about the baby in my tummy!!  As often as I can stomach it they are lying beside me rubbing my belly and talking to the baby :)  They can't wait to find out whether it's a boy or girl (tiebreaker round!!! ;)), and see it and hold it and cuddle it!! The girls are way too excited about how fat I'm going to get again!! ;)

Lately as I lie on the couch almost constantly, watching the children play, I often find myself just grinning at their awesomeness.  I love the way the girls are joined at the hip every second they're not in school.  Their imaginations are fabulous - they're mermaids, or princesses, or teachers, or pirates, or fairies, or doctors, or Mums, or aunties, or whatever the day brings.  They look after each other, and they look after me.

In this whole long journey so far of me basically being almost completely useless to these girls, they have not waned in their wonderful and helpfulness.  I am completely amazed at how incredible they've been - and I expect them to be good - they usually are!! :)  But they are soooo thoughtful and sweet!  They pray for the baby and me, they ask if they can get me anything, they look after their little brothers, they help out whenever they're asked cheerfully, and without complaint.  I seriously can barely believe how wonderful they are.  And I'm so grateful for them, and grateful that they're not just sick of me being sick and frustrated with the whole business and just wanting more attention.  They are the exact opposite, and have been so comforting to all of us!!  I never want to treat the girls like they have responsibilities like James & mine.  We are the parents, and it's time for them to be children and enjoy their time.  We definitely teach them to work and look after their things and look after each other, but not in a way that makes it their 'role' at this time.  Their role is to grow and learn and progress and love and build beautiful relationships and be happy and feel free and safe.  They'll be parents and homemakers of their own homes one day, and hopefully they will love it like we do!!  I don't want them to have a bad view of having children or a home to look after through any negative connotations of growing up in a big family and having big burdens placed on them through me not doing my job properly, if that makes sense.  Anyway, they have 'stepped up' at this time so beautifully and eagerly, without even being asked, and though they're helping me at times with things that I normally would never ask them to do, I'm so grateful that they're so kind and excited and happy to help, and they have seriously made this hard time so much easier for me by being such angels!!!  I can't stress how awesome they are.  And how cheerful and sweet!!!  And they have been such comforts to their brothers when I am being sick or something and they've led them away to play and distract them while I sort myself out!  Ana cleans the entire house every day she is home.  Without me saying a word to her I'll suddenly notice that they toys are all gone, and she's gone about and tidied everyone's rooms and made their beds.  What 4 year old does that?!  And Maggie gets home and assumes a place as everyone's entertainers and defenders, and reads to her siblings and thinks of fun games for them all to play together while I try to pull myself together.  They are both angels.

And then I watch the boys play.  And they're soooo so different to each other.  SJ is so quiet and sweet, and he has his own little world of cars and planes and dinosaurs, and he likes to share it with people, but it's special for him.  He loves giving cuddles and kisses and grins shyly when he comes and 'plants one on me' ;)  Christian just walks around trying to discover and destroy anything he can get his hands on at this stage, and he's so neverendingly cheerful and persistent and bouncy and loud, and loves being the center of attention!!!  They, unlike the girls, have spent this time fighting hard to get a bunch of attention from me.  If one of them is cuddling me the other will inevitably try to cuddle me too! - It has been very difficult for me when I'm super sick and it's really hard to have them crawling all over me, but what a blessing!  I have these 2 completely perfect and adorable and so different sons, who are so happy and sweet and loving, and love crawling all over me lol.  And SJ is starting to talk SO WELL, and loves testing out his language progress, and Christian is just so ridiculously confident in every way, nothing is a boundary to him.  Watching them makes me feel so happy - until the terror of them both thundering towards me for some quality cuddle time when I feel like I'm going to be sick comes round again ;)

It's been my longest ever break between children, and I am SO EXCITED to have a newborn baby again :)  I'm so excited to hold its tiny hands, and snuggle it all day long!  I'm so excited to feed it and look after it, and be awake feeding it in the middle of the night like we're the only two people in the world who are awake at that moment.  And I am SO excited for the love it's going to be getting from every angle around here!! :)  SJ seems to understand this time that there's a baby in my belly (he was 100% oblivious with Christian lol), and he has been soooo gentle and sweet patting my belly, and the girls are all over it.  They have been super big sisters/mother hens for a good 2 and a half years now (longer for Mags!), and are VERY excited for the new addition to our family.  They are having fun anticipating whether girls or boys will overtake the other in numbers around here, and keep chatting about what all of it's physical features will be, from the curly/straight hair debate to whether one of the children will have 'matching green eyes like Mummy's', or continue the 'brown eyed baby' trend the rest of this family follows :)

And of course James is super excited as well :)  At the moment he's all business trying to get us through this hard time and look after me and the other children, but he is the most incredible dad, I am so grateful he is my husband and our babies' father!!! They are soooooo blessed - we all are! - to have him!!! :)  Sometime in the first few hours after bub is born, we always manage to have some time up at the hospital while our other children are with our mums, and I will rest while James holds the tiny new baby in his arms and gets to know him or her.  It's such a beautiful time for both of them and I'm excited to see him bonding with the next one!!! :)

I know it's going to be hard/busy when bub is born next year.  When we had Christian last year and suddenly had 4 children 4 and under it was struggle time for me - I think it took me about 7 months to feel like I got my head above water again!!! But what a blessing of a challenge!!! By the time this 5th one is born Maggie will have turned 6 already, and she and Ana will both be in school full time, so I'll just have the 3 at home each day.  Every baby we have had has been such a happy, wonderful miracle in our lives, I really can't express how happy we are to know there's another on its way.  We feel sooo blessed!!!  When we were first married and it took us a long time to finally get Maggie, I don't think we could have imagined how blessed we would be to be surrounded with such beautiful children so quickly afterward!!

Oh and I know I said it but I'm so excited to have a newborn!!! I've always thought newborns were kind of boring, but since I've had mine, I've realised they're the most interesting, beautiful little things in the world!! :)  I will happily spend hours just staring at my baby, laughing every time it yawns, excitedly pointing every twitch out to James, or whoever is 'fortunate' enough to be nearby ;)  Babies are awesome.  They have no downsides.  Unless you count sleep deprivation as a 'downside', which you might be justified in doing ;)  But they are just perfect, and straight from God, and it's so exciting to be holding in your arms the tiny bub that's been chilling out in your belly for 9 months!! And so exciting for all of us to shuffle down to a 'new normal' in our family, with another little bundle of fabulousness.

So although I mentioned 'the hard stuff' in this post, and in great depth in the post below this one, if you look at the video in the post below that one, you'll see how excited I am ;)

Just saw this again. Love it :)

Sister Love!

I just got off the phone to my beautiful sister-in-law Jessima who moved far, far away a few months ago now, and it hits me again how much I miss her!  And how lucky I am to be so very blessed sisters-wise.  I was born with an older sister, the Tamster, who's always been perfect in every way - including being the best big sister on the entire planet.  Then Bethany was born, who's one of the sweetest, nicest person you've ever met, she's ridiculously nice.  Both of them are.  And then my brother Jonny married Jessima, who's another one of the sweetest, nicest people you've ever met, and she just opened up her heart to all of us and we all adore her.  Then Micky married Bec, and they've always lived so far away but they still make an effort to come and see us and they've just had baby Saphira and Bec is such a sweet Mama!  Some people don't have any sisters at ALL!!!  And I feel for them terribly!!  James has a half sister who he only found out about semi recently and who he's never met, but I hope one day we do, because I can't imagine missing out on another sister relationship!  She lives overseas, and is about 5 years younger than us I think - maybe more?  But the thought of another sister thrills me.  And I've got another 2 in the bag sometime in the future when Boliver take on their vows and marry another couple for us!  It's so exciting wondering who they'll be! :)  Sisters are so nice.

I feel like such a wonderful parent, because Maggie and Ana have each other.  Forget buying them a swing set - I just birthed each of them their lifelong BFF.  You're welcome, girls :)

And I'm pregnant at the moment (and dying.  Was morning sickness really this bad every other time?!  HOW do I forget this?!) and hoping to give SJ a brother (yes, I'll love it just as much if it's female ;)) so that he can have a brother like I have my sisters.  And while I've been dead and dying of morning sickness Tammy and Beth have both come over and done my dishes and helped with my girls and brightened my days!!  My wonderful mother has been over a LOT, and I've been over there and she's looked after my babies and done the days' meals for us so I didn't have to gag over the sink for hours too.  I am so grateful I can't even tell her properly.  She is wonderful.  And she has so much of her own stuff on at the moment and has been dropping everything to come and help me.  I am so blessed with wonderful women in my life!!

And now I should mention the amazing guys too - from Oliver making me toasties when I was hunched up on his couch the other day to Ben helping with the children and Dad making me Sunday night dinners, I am so blessed - and I haven't even mentioned James, who has been 'The Man' - coming home from work, making dinner, doing dishes, putting children to bed, cleaning everything and then pulling out all his tons of marking and report writing for his reports that are due next week, while I lie limply on the couch barely even pulling out a smile.  And he does all that in addition to looking after me and running out to get me anything that I thought would make me feel better if just for a moment!

So very blessed!  I hope the J's move back one day and we can hang out with them again.  I feel like I took them for granted when they were here and I miss them!!  And Jessima is down there all alone being supermum with her 4 children under 5, baby Jayde only 5 weeks old and Jonny working long hours in the new business!!  And now I so wish I could help them!!  (At least when the morning sickness goes away Jess :P).  It's Jenna's birthday today, and I wish we could see her and cuddle her and wish her happy birthday!!  Maggie talks about Jenna and Jordan and Jacey and Little Baby Jayde 'who we haven't seen yet' all the time, and loved calling her up to wish her happy birthday earlier :)

I'd better dash - my little baby man is crying and he really is the sweetest baby boy I've ever seen in my life, he has me completely wrapped - it makes James roll his eyes at least 20 times a day - another reason it's good I'm pregnant - this way hopefully I won't spoil Stanley-James too much when I get busy with the baby :)  But for now, I'm his - and I'm off.  But I'm really so grateful for my sisters!  And brothers, and parents, and everyone, and this baby in my belly that's making me so sick but I know that I'm going to love it forever, and I'm so excited to be adding another little perfect person to this family who make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world every single day!  Oh poor SJ - really going now! xoxox

83 Days of Health: Day 8 ... and a few random bits & pieces...

Healthier Eating Update:  I feel better.  More pregnant & less fat. And just... healthier! :)  Which is actually a pretty good feeling!!  James has suggested I have a dessert a week, like I did back with the fitness challenge, but at the moment I'm enjoying the full de-tox treatment, so I'll keep going 100% for now, and see how I go!  I tend to graze a little at home during the day, so I've been replacing chocolate with peanuts, crackers and hommus, cheese and fruit.  It's amazing how after 3 days fruit felt like a dessert!! (like, really amazing for me!)  I also got some yummy yoghurt at the shops, and eating that with some canned peaches also feels like a dessert - weird, weird!!  This week I had to endure Halloween (that was a bit sad - we had a little party and everyone's scary food looked soooo yummy!), Tammy's birthday dinner including a dessert table with the world's best cake that Jonny and Jessima created, and pumpkin pie - one of my all-time favourite desserts!! - My gorgeous niece Jacey's 1st birthday party involving another one of those cakes, and family dinner - featuring all the leftovers!  But I found it easier than expected, because I knew what I was going to be up against before I went I guess! - Also, I feel like I should be doing this whole thing for health reasons with this pregnancy, so it's easier to say 'no'!  And I am glad I did, today!!

Pregnancy Brain has been blamed for a lot of things surrounding me lately.  I'm suffering from it badly this time! - So many silly things, and I can't seem to form many sentences the right way around!  Not to mention my complete lack of attention span.  At the beginning of this pregnancy I was making myself some toast, and I decided on a slice of honey, and a slice of Vegemite.  I made my toast, and then when I went to eat the Vegemite piece, I thought it tasted really weird - really... sweet.  But it wasn't until I started eating the 'honey' piece that I realised what I'd done, because there was nothing at all on that slice!!
But on Thursday last week, I went to make an online bPayment for our tithing, and after carefully counting James' work hours and figuring out how much he'd made before tax, I made the payment.  Only instead of paying 10%, I paid the full amount.  His entire weeks' wage.  Gone.  Which puts a bit of a dampen on our budget!!! Tithing is one of my favourite commandments to follow, because I can't even begin to tell you the amazing blessings we've received from it, but I kind of needed that other 90%!!! lol.

Ward Changes!  Yesterday we had a special 3-ward meeting at church instead of our usual meeting.  They split the 3 wards and made 4.  James and Mum had been telling me that we probably wouldn't be in the same ward as my family after the split, but I thought that was crazy - we live so close to them! - As if we'd be split!!  But we were!  I really couldn't believe it!  It feels funny to not be in their ward for the first time in my life!  And we're attending at a different chapel too, which is also a bit strange.  But it's exciting for the church! :)  And kind of exciting for us to start in a brand new ward from scratch!  And now James and I are both out of our callings - he was in Young Mens and I've been Ward Music Director and a Visiting Teaching Supervisor, but not anymore!  All new callings in the new ward, we just have a Bishopric at the moment.  Most importantly for us, Dad was released as the Bishop yesterday too - after 7 years!  He was called when James was in his first 6 months of his mission - that seems like a lifetime ago!!  He's the kindest person in the world, and he took the ward through some challenging times.  He has worked so hard, and blessed the lives of so many people.  I can't imagine a more wonderful Bishop, so even though I guess it's great that he gets a rest (he really deserves one, and it'll be nice for him to be able to be around more and spend more time with Mum), and it's been a long time, I'm really sad not to have him as our Bishop anymore!!  Not that our new bishop won't be wonderful as well - he's a lovely man and we're glad to have him in our new ward.  But lots of big changes happening in the church around Brisbane at the moment!! - very exciting.

James is Finished Uni!!  He hasn't graduated yet, but all his classes and assessment are finished, we're just waiting for his results and confirmation of passes (please please please!! - But he feels good about it so I think we're safe!) to graduate!  I booked tickets for his graduation the day they came out, for us, Mum and Dad and Tammy, and James' parents and Nana & Koro, who are flying in for it!!!  So he'd better pass!! :)  I also booked and paid for his robes, and ordered a matching frame to mine to put his degree in.  The university suggest you don't do any of this before it's confirmed that you'll graduate, because you'll lose your money if he doesn't pass, but if he doesn't pass, it'll be the least of our worries!! :P  But I'm glad we booked early cause we got great seats! :)  lol.  Exciting for the girls to see their Dad graduate too :) I can't wait :) If he gets a good job my happiness will be complete!!!

Our boy is due in... just under 11 weeks!!! :D  Which means Christmas is coming quickly!! And James' Birthday, and Maggie's 3rd!!  But I'm so excited for everything that's coming up! :)  And planning to have Christmas presents sorted by the end of November :) - Bring it ON!!!  Also, Maggie already knows 'Away in a Manger', 'Rudolf' and 'Jingle Bells' by heart - so we're ready :)

Last week was crazy busy, and awesome.  3 parties, a fun outing down the coast, a bunch of very late nights, and obviously my brain switched off sometime around April, so it was overwhelming in parts!  This week, we have nothing on at all - at least until the weekend!  The girls and I are ready for some 'down time'.  I think poor James wishes he was, but he's working hard and trying to get job applications in outside hours.  I am excited for when the school term finishes and he's able to have more afternoons off and have a tiny bit of downtime himself.  A job offer would also help increase his work and stress levels!  Hopefully soon! :)

Have a fabulous day!!! :) xox

2 Fun Dates + 2 Dessert Disasters... :)

The first fun date, was the Stake Ball!!! (Cheering) :)  I love stake balls.  I love that we can get all dressed up and going out and eat dinner and dance the night away at least once a year!  I was terribly disappointed that they scheduled last years' ball on the week we were in Adelaide for my Aunty's wedding.  I really hang out for these.  I don't understand people who don't want to go.  Where else can you have totally fun company and the aforementioned dinner and dancing once you're old and married?!! :)  Anyway, I was determined to have found a totally cute maternity dress by the time this came around (have I cried on this blog enough yet about all my favourite maternity clothes that recently vanished?!  Sob!), but I didn't manage it, so I wore black (dreary, but a lot more flattering than white when you're not so skinny!!) and squeezed into a non maternity dress that I won't be squeezing into again for a while!!  From our joint shopping expedition the fabulous Stacey had found a cute dress however, and looked lovely!!! :)  We went as a double date with Stace and Darren.  I actually didn't want to post any pictures till the 'official' pictures came out - we got fun ones with all the couples at our table, but they seem to be taking a while to get here (this was over a month ago) and I thought I'd post these ones from Stace's phone before I forget!!! :)

Our suave dates having some 'bro talk'!!  This is Julian, James & Darren :)

And me and Stace :)  Don't you love our - angle the camera down to us - thing? :)  Awesome :)

We had lots of fun with all the couples at our table, and hitting the dance floor later on :)  Thanks for double dating with us Stace and Darren!! :)

Then the other week James and I took advantage of a Spreets deal I'd bought a while ago for a Korean Bibimbap feast :)  (I seem to be craving Asian food, non-stop, mmmmmmmmmmmmm :) - not in a bad, awful craving kind of way, I just like eating it right now, a lot more than I ever have before in my life :)).

Anyway, Bibimbap did not disappoint - and we loved the little restaurant!! It was a very Korean family feel - almost everyone there was Korean, and they all looked like they eat there all the time and knew each other.  We loved it :)

(Do you like my wrist bling??  Mum bought a bunch of cute blingy jewellery on sale to go in her dress ups for the grandchildren, but I may have stolen these before the grandchildren knew about them... :))

James always loves Asian food, so I think he's enjoying the fact that I've kind of been shunning my usual Italian favourite (mmm cheesy tomatos and antipestos...) and branching out a little :)

And the dessert disasters I'm proud to say, aren't mine, but I had this photo from James' phone so I had to blog about it, sorry Tammy! :D 

Okay, anyone who doesn't already know what this first one is meant to be and can guess it, deserves a whole one (made correctly) to themselves!! :)

A pancake?!  A plate with sauce on it?!  No!  A choc-mint cheesecake!!  Daddy's favourite dessert, that Tammy generously made for him for Fathers' Day!!!! :)  Yes, it's meant to be a little taller, and not falling off the plate...and it should look.....appetising :)

Poor Tammy put the wrong cream in I think - she had been up for hours cooking homemade breadrolls and a bunch of other stuff, including the world's most beautiful and PERFECT apple pie!!!  

I would have included a photo of it, but while she was on the way down to Mum and Dad's place, the car in front of Tammy screeched on its breaks suddenly, and Tammy had to swerve to miss it and slam on her breaks, and the world's most beautiful and PERFECT apple pie flew off its perch on the front seat and slammed into the dashboard with a loud, squelching sound (or so I was told).  It was killed instantly.  What a disaster!!!

Tammy chopped up some fruit and made an impromptu and delicious fruit salad to accompany her choc mint pancake cheesecake, and it was lovely :)

Good times :)

Me an (2 of) Ma Sistaz

Text FROM me TO Beth & Jessima before our little cousin's photoshoot for Fathers' Day:

"Hay ma sistaz!  Waz jst thnkn that i mait dress da gurlz in red, navy n white n we culd tri 2 cola coordin8 all our babiez 4 da pics! Do thoz colas wrk 4 u? (just getting my ganster on ;)) xo"

From Beth:
"Ye 4 realz.  All gud bra.  Wz goin pst target wen i got ur msg so got tha Hal somthin.  B sweet if it fits."

From Jessima:
"Sup ma sizzle!!  I aint gat doz colas!  But I canz tri 2.  Aight!"

:)

Was impressed by Beth's 'bra' lol!! :)  Jessima's was more impressive before she confessed that Jonny wrote it because she couldn't figure out how to sound like a 'gangster' lol!!! :)  James used to text me like this.  It took me a while to be able to read them ("is it upside down or something?!"), but he's since started using full words :)

I'm really glad (it's the grammar-crazy primary school teacher in me) that smart phones make it easier to use proper words than weird 'text' words with all their autotype settings.  Bring back punctuation!!! :)  (some of my year 6's used to put language like this in their assignments!!! - Eekurgh!!!)

AFL's Newest Fans... Sort of...

Last Saturday night James went with Tammy, Dad, Jonny, Robbie and Jonny's old mission friend to an AFL game.  It was the first live AFL game for at least James and Tammy, and they seemed to have an awesome time.  Robbie is a die hard fan, and I think he was excited to share his passion with the fam a little bit :)  The Gold Coast Suns (who apparently aren't great this season) were playing... some other team, who needed this win to get into the final.  Our family contingent decided to go for the Suns - the closest to a home team playing :)

Tammy sent me some pictures on her phone while the game was on:

This made me grin - such a fun photo!  I asked James later why the sign said 'SUPER'.  He said he asked Robbie the same question, and Robbie said that's just the way it is at AFL  :)

James tells me he was looking up at a ball coming through the goal for this photo - they were right behind the posts.

The other half... :)

James got home 'SUPER' late (haha).  He said every quarter was about 30 minutes... give or take... as in, the refs just call quarter time whenever they feel like it.  He asked Robbie about it, and Robbie said that the refs are usually biased to the home team - so when the Suns were doing well, the quarters went for longer, and then when they weren't doing well, the refs called time at 26 or 28 minutes.  I told James that sounded ridiculous and not legit at all, but he said that's what Robbie said, and Robbie IS the AFL fan after all!

James, Dad and Tammy also seemed very impressed with the refs, and the 'dancing with flags' they do.  I was given demonstrations by half the family :)  Very entertaining.  The refs in AFL are exceptionally intense, and there are strict routines they follow for different calls.  The refs, were James' favourite part of the game.

They also enjoyed the fans.  Apparently they were surrounded by supporters of the opposing team, who were extremely passionate.  Because they were sitting right behind the posts, the ball came into the crowd when the goals were kicked.  There were nets up before the start of the game while they practised their kicking.  Then when the game started they took the nets down, and James said Tammy was horrified - lol!!! :)  But anyway, once when the ball came into the crowd, and a Suns player came to get it off whoever had caught it, and the guy in the crowd who had it seemed to hate the Suns, and he pegged it at the Suns player as hard as he could, then started cheering his head off, all by himself.  By the end of the game the opposing fans were pretty distraught though, because the Suns had an awesome game and won, forcing the other team (whose name I really could have looked up but didn't...) out of the finals!!  (this did not push the Suns into the final - they were already too low :P).

Anyway, sounds like it was a really fun/ny night, and they all enjoyed the experience, even though I didn't hear a word from any of them about the actual game involving players/great kicks, etc!! :)  Tammy actually has a goal to get to a bunch of different sporting events this year, and so hopefully we hear more about it all from her sometime soon :)

I'm excited for when the girls are old enough to go out for fun experiences like this!! :)

LOOONG Catch-Up!!!!!

Hey little personal blog/journal!!

It's been a little while since I've written anything remotely interesting on here, and I'm going to unashamedly blame it on being pregnant once again!!! :)  Yay!! :)  I'm just over 16 weeks now though, and have been getting better over the last 4 weeks - I've been pretty great for the last 2, but I'm tired a lot, the usual :)

Since I've been well again though, I've been spending my more awake time having lots of fun and outings with my fabulous girls, who were so patient with me for all those weeks when I lay on the couch uselessly, asking them to be gentle with me and basically being no fun at all!!  I am so GRATEFUL that James took a month off work completely during uni holidays, and got us through the worst of it, and by the time he started back full time (between work and study) I was getting back into it.

It's funny how hard morning sickness hits.  I guess a lot of people never get it, and if you're not grateful for that, you should be.  Because it's awful! - You just feel like you're dying!!! I kept saying to James "This is MUCH worse than the other two times - I'm dying!  This is awful!  I can't do this for 8 more weeks" and so on, but he just said "It's exactly the same sweetie, you've just forgotten!  But you'll get through it and you'll be okay" :) .  He took care of absolutely everything for us - meals, cleaning, looking after the girls, looking after me, running around town trying to satisfy my horrible cravings (I don't have fun cravings.  I've mentioned this before on this blog.  But it's more like "I need a Red Rooster chicken drumstick now or I'll die!" and less like "Hm... I'm craving chocolate.  Please go and buy me 3 blocks and I will eat them and chill out :)).  I was also probably insufferable to be around.  I devoured I don't know how many books, until I ran out, and became bored and more miserable.  I watched a bunch of movies and then got sick of them all.  I watched the entire first 4 seasons of Chuck.  Bless funny, random, light hearted shows you've never seen before for trying to take your mind off things!!  I felt like such a bad mother.  The girls ran riot if James ever went out, and I just felt sooo bad for them! - Bored and cooped up all the time! I'm so glad James was around to take them out and do stuff with them.  And he and Ana developed a wonderful relationship - the kind he's always had with Maggie but Ana's missed out on a little in her early days, because he was home a lot more when Maggie was born and has been a lot busier since Ana.  But they really bonded and it's wonderful to see now :)  She just adores him, and he her.  And Maggie loved having her main man around all the time!

By the end of the sickness, I started to feel like I was crazy, and maybe it was all in my head?  Maybe I was just lazy?  So I'd try to do more, and fail miserably, and end up in bed, much worse than before.  I just felt like I wasn't being a very good person.  And I never wanted to go out and do anything!  I would make plans with friends and then cancel cause I wasn't up to it, and I felt like such a bad friend!   But then I started to have days where I was actually well, and then you realise "Oh, I'm not a bad person - I'm not just lazy!  I was actually really, really sick!!!  Oh my word I feel great today!! I am going to clean my house and take the girls to the park!!  And catch up with friends!!  And make dinner!!" and it's just the most incredible feeling ever.  I keep saying to James "I just can't describe it.  It's like you're in this horrible black hole and you can't get better no matter what and then you start to doubt yourself and you don't know if you're lazy or what and then suddenly you're better!  And you realise that health is the most incredible blessing, and you don't ever realise how wonderful it is until you're stuck in that black hole for weeks on end, terrified that this time it won't end at 14 weeks!"  I don't know how the wonderful strong women (like my mother, who had 7 of us!) who are sick for the entire 9 months manage!  I find it extremely difficult to get through the first three months.

But as a result of that time, the last few weeks have been absolutely fabulously blissful.  I'm back!! And the girls and I have been having a lot of fun, and making up for all our time lost.  They are SUCH great girls, and I feel so lucky to get to hang out with them all day long!  They are the funniest ages and they have me in stitches all day, and they're so sweet and kind and funny!!!  And James and I have been leaving the house again - we even went to the temple last Friday night, and we're going to our Stake Ball tomorow night! - I don't know how I'll go fatigue-wise, but I'm super excited.

As usual, I put on WAY too much weight during trimester 1, but I've evened out a little just in the last couple of weeks, and I've come to terms with the fact that to help me feel a little better during that time, I just have to constantly eat, and to me it's a LOT easier to work out and lose the weight afterwards, than to try and stop myself from eating whatever I want during trimester 1!!  But hopefully I can repeat Ana's pregnancy, not the 30+kg's I put on with Maggie!!

And I am starting to get INCREDIBLY excited as I enter trimester 2, realising that I'm really going to be able to have another baby!! I'm always a little too nervous during the first 12 weeks to let myself be really excited, in case anything happens, but yesterday I went to the hospital and heard this little baby's heart beating for the first time, and in a few weeks we'll be able to find out whether it's a boy or girl, and I can't WAIT!!! That is my favourite part of pregnancy.  I love knowing what we're having.  It really helps me bond with baby.  We name it and talk to it, and I buy it pink or blue (pink so far, but it could be blue this time?! :)) and get everything ready for it, and it feels so much more real.  I can't wait!! James is pretty excited too :)  And so are Maggie and Ana.

So basically everything is complete sunshine at the moment, especially compared to being so sick - ugh!

Random bits and pieces:

• The fabulous Stacey came over the other week, and introduced us to 'Monopoly Deal', the card version of Monopoly.  Games only take maybe 15 minutes max. each, and it's a lot of fun.  I bought it for James for D.A.D (Daddy Appreciation Day) recently, and we've played it so many times he's sick of it, but I'm totally addicted!! :)
• My friend Estelle came over this afternoon to have some stamping fun with me, and she brought us dinner - uncooked.  I'm always saying I wish I were more confident cooking fish cause I love it, so she brought me the uncooked ingredients, and helped me prepare the fish for cooking, and all I have to do is chuck it in the oven half an hour before we want to eat!! Isn't that sweet?!  Dinner and a cooking lesson!! :)
• My Dad got broken into at his office again the other day.  It's happened a lot in the last year, and caused him a lot of grief and business loss, and it's really upsetting for our whole family I think.  Dad is just such a good person, and he works SOOOOO HARD and has my whole life, to support his family, and to have people just break in and take so much from him, is so hard to see.  They've been installing all sorts of security measures over the last year, and they just keep coming back.  This time, they actually like, dug a hole and broke through the bottom of a wall, and like, climbed in underground?! - Who does that?!!!  Anyway, they've had builders reinforce it all and I think they're putting in a new alarm system this time.  We are all praying that they stay away and that this break-in doesn't cause too much more grief than replacing all the valuable things in the office.
• I had to quit netball when I was only a little bit pregnant :(  I really, really wanted to keep playing, and stay fit during this pregnancy, but even though I switched out from Center and started playing on the wings, I was sick and fainting after games, and then you know, spent a really long time in bed doing nothing but being sick, and now I can't go back during this pregnancy.  I guess I'll save the organised sport for between pregnancies!
• James is in his last 6 months of uni.  Can you tell I'm grinning like a cheshire cat while I write this?!  Who knows where he'll be working this time next year?!!!! He has certainly worked hard for this degree, I'm so happy and excited for him, and for our whole family!!!  He will be so relieved to have a break from assignments hanging over his head all the time - I still seem to remember that feeling with perfect clarity!!
• This baby is due, 4 days before Maggie's 3rd birthday.  I'm guessing we won't be throwing her too big a party this year - I might miss it!!!
• Mum is currently designing her and Dad's new house.  I can't wait to see what it ends up looking like!! I couldn't do all the planning she is.  Well, at least, I really wouldn't want to.  Fortunately James will be just as keen as she is in that department - I'll just give him a list of what I want and let him do what he thinks with the rest of it when it comes our time!  Mum always makes things so beautiful though, so I can see why she'd want to do it herself!!  Meanwhile they're in a cute rental, and our childhood house is long sold to a young couple who are just starting a family.  I haven't driven past since they sold it.  I was so sick I didn't even take photos in every room and do any sort of 'goodbye wonderful house I lived in for 17 years!!' tour - which I SO would have done otherwise!!
• Elders Ben and Oliver have been on their missions for a year and 4 months now.  Isn't that crazy?!  They'll be home apparently before I know it, but it seems to be going awfully slowly!! We all miss them like crazy, but we're so proud of them.  They are working so hard and being so faithful and good!!  They make us smile whenever we think of them.  I still can't believe they haven't met Ana!!
• James is working with Dad at the moment. I like to think of them working together - My two favourite guys!!  :)  He's also coaching 3 teams at JPC and helping out with some of the PE classes there.  He's loving what he's doing, but it's certainly keeping him busy!!
• I lost some of my all time, FAVOURITE maternity clothes, and I'm devastated!! James thinks I must've accidentally taken them to Vinnies, and I just want to cry when I think about it!  Went maternity shopping the other weekend and found nothing.  I wish I had my pretty clothes back, sigh!!! 
• The J's live down the road now!  First I was sick, and since we've all had sick babies, but we're going over tomorow for a fun play (Jessima's put together a 'safari' which sounds fun!) and are happy that they're in our ward and we see them more often!! :)
• Baby Hallie = SO CUTE!! :)  And Beth = earth mother!! : ) We're planning on a visit next week - even though she's a lot closer now, the Gold Coast seems so far away at the moment! - But they do live pretty far south.  Hopefully more catch ups soon :)
• Ana and Maggie are so cute.  Did I say that already?!  They're best friends, they are both chatting (Ana only says a few intelligible words, but she's expanding her vocab rapidly(!) and Maggie will talk your ear off, all day, about everything :))  I'm in parenting heaven.  I'm so grateful for them and can't wait to find out what this baby is and then meet it in a few months!!! :)

Okay, My fish is going in the oven, so I'm going to go and watch it.  Hopefully I'll update more regularly soon, but I'm happy to say our little family blog is going strong, and I've been posting weekly on our new creative blog, so I'm sure enough of our little family history is being recorded - maybe just not giant posts about how awful morning sickness is, and how great life is afterwards :)  

Have a fabulous Thursday!!! :)  (Don't you love Thursdays?!  They're definitely one of my favourite days - so much hope on a Thursday I think!! :))

xoxox

Carrie, Tammy & Me!

On Saturday night, Tammy took me (for my early birthday!) with her to go and see Carrie Underwood in concert!!  To be honest, I've been a little under the weather, and although I definitely like a few of Carrie Underwood's songs I don't know all of them, and I wouldn't say I'm a diehard fan or anything.  I saw a bunch of film clips of hers recently and she seemed a little stiff, so I wasn't super sure I'd like her overly in concert.  Tammy wasn't 100% either, but we both do like her enough to be interested in going, and we're SO GLAD we did!!!

She had a LOT of fun up on stage - she just seemed to love love love singing, and she has an incredible set of lungs!!!  It seemed like she was too little to be making such a big sound!!!  She sings some crazy fun songs, and had a lot of fun with them on stage - and she was totally NOT stiff or scripted, which can sometimes get a little boring.  Her backup singer had the most incredible voice also!!!  She was just amazing!!  She looked a little out of place though - we think someone should do more with her hair and makeup, because you're looking for who the heck the awesome backup person is, and she just seemed a little awkward on stage and looked a little...not bad! - just not ready to be onstage singing the way she was singing!!  Which was awesome.  And of course, being a country singer there was an awesome fiddler also - I do love a good strings musician!! And the rest of her band were great too.

But to me, she sounded better than she does on any of her CD's - I just loved her voice live, it was awesome.

My favourite, favourite, FAVOURITE part of the night was when she sung 'Jesus Take the Wheel'.  Sometimes mainstream songs about the Saviour feel a little blasphemous and make me feel uncomfortable, but when she sings this, she has a beautiful spirit about her and you can't help feeling all goose-bumpy and tingly happy.  It's really gorgeous, and then she did something it turns out she does all the time, but I've never heard before, so it completely shocked me, she suddenly broke into 'How Great Thou Art' - and finished the song with the ending of that.  It was amazing, and had us both a little bit teary I think!  I YouTubed it and there are a lot of videos of her singing that live, but none of them do it justice, so I didn't link any but if you're especially keen go look it up - or better yet see her live sometime!!! :)

And another cool thing Carrie did in concert, was sing a 'tribute to Australia' song.  She was saying that Australia has some great artists and songs, and she wanted to sing a tribute to them, and then she sang Aussie rock group INXS's 'Never Tear Us Apart' - which is a pretty famous Aussie song.  I thought it was fun and nice that she put that in - only for the Aussie leg of her world tour! :)

It was actually the first concert I've ever gone to, to see a female singer - strangely when I look back I've only seen guys in concert! - But she was incredible.  I'd definitely see her again, I LOVED it!!  THANKYOU TAMMY!!!!! :)

And here's a couple of pics off Tamster's iPhone! - We were 11 rows from the front - but she's kind of tiny in these pics! :)

It was an awesome night :)  And fun cause I got to hang out with Tammy all afternoon too!! - Thanks Tamster! :) xoxox

A Love Affair.

Tammy introduced us, 14 days ago now, and it was love at first sight.

I didn't even try to resist - I was inspired, besotted. I resisted instigating actual contact, but have internet stalked to my hearts content, only to fall more deeply in love.

Because I'm not actually writing for Days of Our Lives, I'd better introduce you to the object of my affections...

kikki.K

I have always loved stationary. I love pretty notebooks and vibrant colours. I love pencils and crayons and pens and paints. I love quotes and diaries and organisers.

Nerdy?

I think not!!!

(James thinks yes.)

Lately I've been wanting to put together a pinboard, just for me. I want to put up my favourite photos that just I want to look at, without worrying what anybody else entering my house will think. I want to put up quotes I love and that inspire me to work harder and be better. I want to put up pretty pictures, and notes to self, and dream places to visit one day, and other dreams. I want to hang it up somewhere where I'll see it all the time. I want to have my art desk under it, and organise and create in my own little corner. It's just that that spot doesn't exist yet, so my whole pinboard project is on hold.

(Yes, I know about Pinterest. But I just deleted my Facebook account and have ruled that Blogging is my only internet time investment for now, so I'm not going to open something so tantalisingly fun and addictive looking! :))

When I went to Tammy's house before we went and met up with Faith & Tim the other week, Tammy had changed her room around, and on her wall, was my vision!! - a fabulous pinboard, full of cute pictures and quotes and 'things'. I should've taken a picture of it for this blog post. It was awesome. I loved a lot of the cute quotes and pictures Tammy had, and she told me they were from kikki-K. She'd gone there and found the board, then found so many cute things to go with it, and there'd been a MASSIVE sale on, and she'd ended up with a totally cute 'inspiration board' (as they call them at kikki-K). She also showed me a 'Gratitude' book she'd gotten from there to be used as a special diary, complete with cues, ideas, quotes, and a bunch of 'thankyou' cards at the back. AND she GAVE me an inspirational quote book exactly the same as the one she'd bought herself and cute quotes out of for her inspiration board! (the sale had been a 'if you spend this much you get it all half price, so she went wild :)). She also gave me the Gratitude Diary cause I liked it so much, and James said he'd love one too sometime because it was so awesome, but then I felt too guilty (!) stealing it so I gave it back (I know Bethany, I'm growing a conscience, shocking, but don't get your hopes up it's not developing rapidly or anything...). Anyway, I loved everything, and have been kikki-K online browsing ever since!!

Meanwhile, Tammy went on a trip around Australia for work (she should TOTALLY WRITE A BLOG POST about it - especially the 4 days in Tassie which Dad joined her for and they went sightseeing and had lots of fun), and in the Sydney airport she found a Gratitude Book and bought it for James, since she never bought him a birthday present!! (a fact nobody had remembered but herself lol :)). THEN, she bought me one too, and may have accidentally bought me a couple more things...

So here's my wealth of amazingly cool kikki-K things:






Don't you love it how they put 3 bookmarks in every book???!! I do :)

James and I both started writing in our gratitude diaries last night, and Tammy'll probably have an adorable kikki-K gratitude journal 'thankyou' note or two soon! :) The inspirational books and twine will to-tally be used on my inspiration board when I have it one day (in the not-too-distant-future, hopefully!!), and I've been commissioned to make Tammy some cards with the inspiration stickers :)

And check out some other random cool kikki-K bits and pieces (there are a few pics of their inspiration boards..:)):


Isn't stationary fun??!!! Isn't organisation fun??!!! Isn't inspiration and gratitude fun??!!!! :) Isn't Tammy the most generous and creative big sister??

...waiting...

Just doing our thing, waiting to get 'that' phone call to tell us that Jessima's new baby is here!! I can't WAIT to find out whether it's a new little niece or nephew!! Jessima was being induced last night/this morning.

At about 10:30 Jonny called, and I yelled 'WHAT IS IT?!!!' into the phone. He said 'What's what?' and I yelled 'Don't mess with me! - Did you have a boy or a girl?!' and he said 'We didn't have anything yet' so I freaked out and yelled

'Is Jessima OK?!!!!!'

'yes'

'Then WHY are you calling me?!!!!'

'Jessima thought it would be funny'

(sigh)

:)

Nothing much was happening at that point, so they were about to put a drip in. That means that right now, Jessima's probably pretty busy! I hope it's as painless as labour can be!! Jessima had Jordan in 4 hours so I keep waiting for the news to come quickly, I hope this one's not a longer labour! Long labour is...upsetting :p

But we are so excited for the J's and the latest model! :) Sending fast, painless and safe thoughts their way xoxox

'Children' (AKA I Love Conference!! :))

Just a quick quote I love so far from one of this years General Conference talks :) It's actually partly a quote from a Christian mother from another faith from her blog, but this is a paragraph from the talk given by Elder Neil L. Anderson called 'Children' in the Saturday Afternoon Session - I loved it. You can find it here.

"Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family. My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother (not of our faith) with five children. She commented: “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”7"

I really like that last bit :)

I always enjoy going up to the chapel with my family to watch conference, but yesterday we actually came home for the second session so the girls (who were kind of crazy) could go to sleep and cause I wasn't feeling too smashing (hold the cards and flowers, I'm fine now :) And no, not at all pregnant), and I really, really enjoyed watching it at home with James, not worrying about the girls disturbing the general peace!! In fact I liked it so much that we're going to watch this morning's session at home again while the girls nap, and then just go up to the chapel for this afternoon's session :)

If you haven't yet, I highly recomment watching/reading/listening to some - it has been really wonderful :)

Fitness Challenge: Week 2

So I started off this week feeling aMAzing! On Monday when I did my 'unassisted squats' (ie. not the ones with my back pressed up against the wall - fancy term I know - I have trouble keeping up myself! :P), instead of feeling like an underqualified bowl of jelly wobbling my way up and down in agony and helplessness on the verge of collapse, I actually felt muscles doing what they're apparently meant to do, lifting me up and down, and I had a brief glimpse of why superfit people with muscles don't hate exercising!!

I even told James about it!

BIG mistake!!

Apparently, if it's not hard, it's not working. That's what James says. What he means is, if you don't feel like a hopeless mess who's on the verge of collapse, you're not working.

(sigh)

By Saturday's routine I was actually sobbing between sets.

YOU try squatting with 15kgs! (If you do this all the time, I don't want to hear about it.)

After picking the weight up I put it back down and started laughing - I really thought it was a joke. James looked at me like I was a little left of center and assured me he wasn't joking. I realised he was serious and tightened my position - "No James, I literally, can't do that! I can barely pick them up, let alone lift them as part of an exercise!". James then looked at me very seriously (but still like I was a crazy person) and promised me I could do it. He wasn't budging! I tried to reassure him again but he remarked with a little irritation that I just needed to stop 'sooking'. I think that's when I lost it - I wasn't sooking, I was serious!! So James said 'Okay, do whatever you want then' and walked away (to go and do the dishes - isn't he great? lol) leaving me to it. So I channelled my immense anger at his overconfidence and the 'sooking' remark into sobbing through 4 sets of squats, lunges, pull-ups and some arm thing that absolutely killed with the horrible impossible weights wobbling at the ends of my pathetically weak arms!

I then began my tread-milling with a vengeance, but sadly my heart rate was high from the crazy weights and I had to walk a ridiculously slow 0.8k/hr till it calmed down. It was like trying to make a dramatic exit and closing your dress in the door behind you or something - a little bit pathetic. It did calm me down eventually though, enough to apologise to James for getting upset when he was trying to help me. I did point out in my apology that he was pretty hard on me though! James: Hard on you?! You did 4 sets, completely unassisted! I was being easy on you, you just need to stop sooking and do it! (sigh). We are definitely from different planets lol.

BUT guess what ?! I am 2kg's down!!! Only 6ish to go!! And I look better and feel better and fit clothes better!!! :)

No matter how much I complain to him when I feel like he's giving me impossible tasks, I am so grateful that James is helping and supporting me so much, and watching the girls to give me time to work out!! I'm going to have to stop trying to tell him things are too hard because he said he doesn't want to have to argue with me every day and may stop helping me if I keep 'sooking' (hmph!). James assures me building the weight won't make me look too muscled, just help me be fit and strong, so I'll try really hard.

This week some friends came over for dinner and I made chocolate profiteroles for dessert for my one treat for the week and I've got to say - having one fabulous treat a week instead of lots of everyday treats may even be worth the wait! And the weight! :)

2 weeks of this crazy fit lifestyle down, 10 to go - unless I become bodywashed and have to keep it up! I wonder :)

PS: I'm sooo winning this - I get like, 500 bonus points for every kg I lose! Our children are going to be sooo impressed by my name on that trophy ;)

Up and Back Again!!! And a new Personal Best :)

I did it! I gave birth, again. Last time I gave birth I wrote about how I felt like I'd conquered Mt. Everest, because childbirth has terrified me my whole life - sooo not keen on pain! :P Now I feel like I've done it twice. It's the most incredible thing to go through, but the view from the top totally rocks!! (as in, the baby you give birth to..).

I really dislike reading other people's 'birth stories' because they are not pleasant and they freak me out and are often way too detailed. Maybe I won't mind after I've given birth for the last time, but while I know I've got several ahead of me, they're like horror stories that could quite possibly happen to me, so I'd rather not entertain thinking about them. If you're anything like me in this regard, stop reading now! (Although this was a pretty awesome labour...) I'm probably not going to read back on this too often, but I found with Maggie that when I wrote out my labour experience in my journal, it was like therapy, and then I didn't have to think about it anymore, but typing's faster, and I'm going to write about what happened, here.

***TO SKIP THE BIRTH PART AND JUST GET TO THE BABY BIT, STOP READING NOW, AND FIND ANOTHER BIT LIKE THIS FURTHER DOWN!!***

So at 32 weeks I was sent to get a growth scan because the doctor wasn't sure the baby was as big as she 'should be'. When I got the scan, they said she was in the 3rd percentile for size, and was about 2 weeks behind in growth. At 20 weeks she had been kind of average, so they decided to do weekly scans and make sure baby was still growing. By 36 weeks (going to the hospital twice a week for scans and appointments) she had reached the 19th percentile in size, so they stopped scanning me, although I still had weekly doctors appointments at the hospital. They decided to do a final scan just before my due date, because if she was still small they didn't want me to go too far past my due date without being induced.

I was due on Monday 9th May, and on Friday 6th I went in for my scan. James had been to I think every appointment until that one, but he had a prac lead-in day, so he didn't make it. In the scan I noticed that baby was measuring about 35 weeks, and then when I saw the doctor and he graphed her growth, he looked alarmed, and said she'd barely grown since the previous scans, and that he wanted to induce me as soon as possible. He went to check with 'the bosses' when they could book me in, and I sat there freaking out and thinking how much I wished James had come with me!! When the doctor came back he booked me to come in on the Sunday night, to be induced then/Monday morning. He told me all about being induced and then sent me on my freaking out little way.

It was kind of good in one sense being booked in, because James was starting his big teaching prac on Monday 9th, my due date, so at least he could tell the school for sure which days he needed off, instead of being on call for the first part of his prac, which may have been distracting.

I spend the weekend freaking out, then on Sunday night James gave me a blessing, we dropped our precious Maggie girl at Mum and Dad's for her first ever sleepover (she loved it of course!), and headed up to the hospital.

They began inducing me Sunday night with the gel, which some women go into labour from, but I didn't (I couldn't stop shaking all night I was so scared - my labour with Maggie was a little tiny bit awful and long, and just sitting there waiting for it to 'kick in' was terrifying for me!). Just after 6am they took me into the birthing suite, and broke my waters. By 7:30am I was starting to have some real contractions, and at 7:50 they started me on 'Synto' which is a hormone I think, which makes your body really go into labour. At least it did with me! The midwife started me on a dose of 3ml/hr, then went up to 6ml/hr at 8:20, then turned it off completely at 9:05 because my contractions were going insane. He said though, that he had a lady at 72ml/hr the other day, so those were pretty low doses. Apparently each labour, you need less, because your body makes more, so if I ever get induced again, I'll ask for none!! :)

Anyway, I don't know what time, and I can't remember whether or not I already had the Synto in me, we were sitting there having a nice old chat with the midwife. I had just found out I was 4cm dilated and was ecstatic, because with Maggie it took me 2 days of waaaaaay worse contractions than I was having to get me to 4cm, and I was totally handling it, thinking 'Heck! I won't need any drugs if this keeps up!'.

[Side story: We actually noticed the midwife's surname was Allred, and he had a pretty religious first name too, and he was from America (everyone from America seems like a church member... plus he was clean cut and wearing a wedding ring lol), so we asked him if he was any relation to Sylvia Allred. He leaned back and said 'Noooooo.. but I enjoyed her last talk at General Conference' lol. So we asked what ward he was in, and he's in the next Stake over, and we told him our ward and he mentioned he was the Stake Executive Secretary in his stake, so he had wondered how we were members whose names he didn't know cause he knows most of the names in his Stake, and then James said 'Hey Abby's uncle is Stake President of that stake' and I clicked, and it turns out he works with my uncle a lot, and he said he actually met Dad the other day, and I had a moment of 'Oh no, I could see this guy again one day and I have to give birth in front of him! And it's a him!' but don't worry - by the time I was giving birth I was dying so much I didn't care, plus he was an awesome midwife, so it was great, and just nice to know he knew where we were coming from a bit. And he was totally not weird. Plus he was like a buddy for James - they enjoyed laughing at me together when I got really high on the gas..]

ANYWAY, so there we are having our chat, and he was asking about my previous labour, and he asked at what stage of the labour I had the drugs (I had a lot of everything), and I told him how long I'd been in labour and yadiyada. The contractions were getting worse quickly, and then I went to the bathroom, and I had 4 death to the world contractions, and came out begging for the epidural.

At this point I kind of felt like I'd failed, because I needed it already - it had come on soooo fast!! But the midwife was like 'I'll send for it right away, it's okay Abby we're all about helping you with the pain here!' but I kept apologising but begging for it too lol. They put me on the gas right away while I was waiting. I didn't like the gas at all when I was in labour with Maggie, but the epidural this time seemed to be taking ages, and my contractions were going nuts and I was sitting on the edge of the bed ready for when the epidural came, and I heard Israel say 'Take a deep breath now, Abby... and another... and another', and it was like a little thing I could concentrate on, so I suddenly got super high, and clung to the gas like crazy. Apparently I was saying a lot of pretty crazy things to everyone in the room. The midwife said 'Do you know what planet you're on, Abby?' and I remember thinking 'Is he stupid?' So I told him I was on Earth, duh.

A doctor came to tell me risks or whatever and I told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted it, no matter what, now. Then finally (after lots of desperate begging on my part, - they had to call him twice) the anaesthetist came but it seemed to be taking forever for him to get ready. My room was being renovated, and a couple of things he needed were missing and they had to send down to the pharmacy for something, and then it seemed to take forever for him to put it in! So I was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to hold still, while I was going through awful contractions, and I kept thinking surely it would be the last contraction I'd feel! The epidural with Maggie seemed to take 2 seconds - it was all done between 2 contractions I think, so this was agony!! I was dying. And James said I was very blunt, and kept calling out 'Epi Man! What's the problem?!! Why can I still feel everything! I can still feel everything, please hurry up Epi Man, please hurry up, hurry up!!' Which probably didn't help the poor guy!! :S When he first arrived I told him I loved him though. I also, in my very high state, told one of the midwifes who came while my midwife was on a break and was telling me to 'breathe' to 'Shush!!', I told the other two that I liked them a lot. I told them I loved Maggie and the baby, but 'James the most!', and apparently I got very protective of the gas and wouldn't let anyone touch it even though I kept declaring I hated it and couldn't imagine why people got high because I felt awful and like I was going to be sick. Apparently I also made James hold my feet, and then kept kicking him in the face during contractions and a bunch of other weird stuff.

Anyway, when the guy finally got the epidural in my back (second time lucky apparently - he put it in once and it wasn't right so he did it again, eek! And I was having crazy contractions so I was moving a tiny bit, as hard as I was trying not to, I feel so blessed I had no bad effects!!), they all helped me turn so they could hook it up to the machine, and then the head midwife lady (who James thinks our midwife called because he was worried I was going to get paralysed by the epidural guy) said to our midwife 'She's pushing!!' and then they ran around and threw a couple of things to each other and the head was out, and then they said to push, and I could hear James saying the head was out, and I said 'Are you sure?! Am I dilated?' and they said 'Yes, push!' and then the whole baby was suddenly out!!!! (I gotta say, 3 and a half hours, even without the epidural, TOTALLY rocks compared to 3 days with all the drugs!! Posterior babies are awful to give birth to, I'm going to be a crazy sit forward person every pregnancy from now on)

And then they put her on my chest and I burst into tears and for the next 5 minutes I kept saying "Oh I love her so much! Where's the epidural?! She's so beautiful, but I can still feel everything! Where's the epidural!!" and I think it took a few minutes for the gas to get out of my system and for me to get over the fact that the epidural never got hooked up, and to realise that my wonderful, perfect, beautiful daughter was really there, all born, finished!!! Also, the horrible pain was gone, because I was no longer in labour lol.

***YOU CAN START READING NOW, I'VE HAD THE BABY...***

She was born at 10:52am, and we named her Anamaria Sophia. We named her Anamaria because James wanted a Maori name, and I don't know the language or anything, but most of the names were difficult to pronounce, and I didn't want her to have to repeat it for everyone a million times her whole life, I wanted people to be able to say it. Anyway, the name is used by Maoris, and it's the exotic pronounciation, although already most people call her Anna instead of Ana, which I guess she'll get her whole life after all :P And Sophia is James' Mum's name. Everyone thinks we're into Spanish names lol! :) But there it is.

Ana was 6 pounds 13 (only half an ounce less than Maggie - so not underweight!) and healthy and strong. I remember James crying out to me "She's crying right away! Abby, she's crying!!" which is exciting because Maggie had to be resuscitated, so it was awesome that she was all good :) Her head circumference was 34cm, and she was 49cm long (2 and a half shorter than Maggie). Although Ana's not as startlingly like James, she looks a lot like Maggie, so we think people will definitely be able to tell that they're sisters, lucky because I think they're both beautiful :)

I don't usually put photos on this blog (I can invite you to my private blog for further viewing if you let me know!! I will soon be flooding it with Ana pictures :)), but here's our new little family:

We were so fortunate in our midwife! At the end he even pulled a few strings to let us stay in the birth suite for an extra hour so Mum could bring Maggie up to meet her little sister, because visiting hours in the wards were over. Maggie was wonderful, and she adored Ana from the start. She's uber over-protective, and the first one to make a move if Ana starts crying! The only problem is that Ana needs to be subtlety rescued from being completely smothered quite often, because Maggie just wants to lie with/on her and cuddle and kiss her.

I can't even tell you how happy we are to have little Ana join our family - we really, really love her :) How awesome is having a family?!! :)

I'm worried this entry is jumbled and I may come back and edit it later but I just wanted to finally get it up. We are so happy and we love our little baby girls so much!! :)

Little Moments

I just walked past Maggie's room, where she's lying on her tummy with her head to the side and her buttocks stuck in the air, flopping her arms about a little bit in their final 'sleep throes'.

I can't help but smile. I love the thousands of little moments that make up every day of this wonderful life with this little daughter of God. Her face when I walk in in the mornings to pick her up first thing. Her smile when I finish changing her nappy, hold out my hands and say 'up!'. Her excitement when I bring her in to say 'Good morning' to her dad, and the way she giggles and plays with him. The way she toddles after me as I go about the morning, a couple of books or a toy in one hand. Her coming up to show me her books, then accepting them back with a grin, and walking away to go show her daddy or find something else. Watching her learn how to feed herself, pulling apart her sandwiches and taking small and big bites then feeling it in her mouth. THe way she stares at me with her big brown eyes while she's drinking her bottle, then how she pulls it away, looks at me and giggles when she's done. The way she giggles and laughs when I hold her while I brush my teeth, then sticks her head out in a funny way and puckers her lips when it's time to brush hers. Her delight when I pull out her toothbrush. The way she talks all day, making gorgeous sounds and looking at me and pointing at things, like what she's saying has full meaning and she has absolute confidence that I know exactly what she means. Her fascination with everything. Her spontaneous giggles. The way she actually pretends to be picking things up off the ground and eating them sometimes. Her reading 'noise' and her face when she reads. The way she happily plays by herself with her little toys for ages, and I wonder what she's thinking. Her excitement and interest when I carry her around with me any any chore or task. The way she'll be happily playing by herself and then she'll come to me and wrap herself around my legs, then look up at me and smile. Her spontaneous kisses and cuddles. How excited she gets when James comes home. The loud noises she makes when any environment is particularly loud, just to see if she is louder than the noise. The way she gets really snuggly when it's nearly bedtime. Her love of water and absolute joy when she gets in a bath/shower/pool/beach. Her face when something is new and exciting. The way she stares at strangers without smiling, and they think she's shy, but she's just 'learning them', and then the way she'll stare at them as they walk away, and then wave. The way she loves having us read to her. How she's obedient, and comes when we hold out our arms, and giggles and smiles as she toddle-runs over, like she's so excited that we want to hold her, and we are too. The way she's learning to pick things up, and a million other things. The way she holds out her hand to people, just to show she cares, and can see them there. Her giggles when I use her finger to point things out on a page of a book, especially when we count things. The way she relaxes when I powder and change her after a bath, and seems grateful when I clean her little nose and ears and brush her hair. Her grateful little sighs with dinner and bottle. The way she loves pointing out all the pictures when we read her scripture stories at night before bed. When she kisses and waves at whichever parent isn't actually putting her in bed, and rests her head into the shoulder of the parent who is. The way she's happy to go to bed, and gives final kisses then grabs her little blanket and nestles into her pillow. How we go in and make sure she's in a comfortable position before we go to bed, and usually have to push her bottom down or free an arm from a cot bar or something, because she's gone to sleep in a very uncomfortable looking position and we have no idea how she's managed to sleep that way! And then her little noises again in the morning when she wakes up.

So many people are living wonderful excotic lives, travelling the world, seeing amazing things, meeting new people, working in fabulous jobs. But I love my little life! I love that we get up in the morning, and James goes to work or uni, and I take care of our little girl and home all day, and do little projects. Then I love it when James comes home to us, and we eat together and he plays with Maggie and we're all so happy, and the next day we do it all over again. And sometimes James gets time off and we all get to hang out all day. I love that all James wants to do is be the father and husband and look after us and be with us, and I am doing all I want to do too. And how we could earn more money if I went back to teaching, or did relief or something, but we don't need it, and I can't think of anything more fulfilling than being at home, teaching and spending time with this little girl full time instead. I feel so lucky, and I'm so grateful that it's so important to James that I'm able to spend this time with our children as well. And we can do all that exotic stuff later if we want :)

I can't think of a more wonderful life.

And I'm so excited that soon we'll have 2 of these wonderful little people filling our lives with these moments!!

Wait are my ankles fat?

Hello :)

It's been a looong time since I last posted, mostly because I've been devestatingly morning sick and pregnant :) (just read back on the entry I wrote here - basically that's exactly what I'd say all over again if I had time :)) (okay cut the school passages, maybe insert 'looking after Maggie' instead?? I am also slightly less emotionally crazy, probably because I'm looking after one beautifully behaved, always sweet and kind child instead of 28 children who may not always have been 100% as well behaved as Maggie, or at least not all at the same time!) I am in a huge rush and don't really have time to blog, but I really should blog sometime, and I just remembered something funny :)

By the way though, we are over the moon, LOVE Maggie like crazy and couldn't bear to put off doubling the fun so we are so happy and excited and it hasn't taken a year and a half to be pregnant this time!! :) I am due May 9th, so Maggie will already be about 16 months old - I'm just over 13 weeks pregnant at the moment :)

Morning sickness is like.... death.... but I'm starting to have heaps of good days, so I think I'm nearly through the worst!! I wrote more about this on my private blog the other day :)

Anyway, last night I had a dream that I had kankles again!! Already!!! (I wrote extensively about them here). I've been up for a long time, and JUST realised it was a dream!! The relief!!! Last time I was at least 6 months pregnant before I had them I'm pretty sure. I'm barely showing yet this time, so I was (in my dream) a little bit droopy about the whole business, and am greatly relieved to find out that it was, in fact, a dream :)

This time around I have my front line of putting-on-30kg-during-pregnancy defence: a treadmill!! :) Am excited hopefully to have 'less to lose' on the other end this time. Wish me luck!!

Summary:
- pregnant
- super happy and excited to be pregnant :)
- have been in hell, but am recovering nicely, thankyou
- James and my family have been wonderful (thought I'd put that in the summary since I forgot it in the main body, even though I know there's not really meant to be any new info here, sorry!)
- do not yet have kankles :)

'Copious Confiding'

There's a blog I sometimes drop in on, by a lady in America with 5 children whose parents write books on parenting, and I have one she co-wrote with her Mum and saw her blog address in it. I read a post she wrote today, had to comment, and now feel like sharing. Her post is here.

It's about how she saw a mother and daughter in a waiting room, and the daughter was 'copiously confiding' - telling her Mum EVERYTHING about her life. THe blog author was saying how she wants that kind of relationship with her daughters one day.

Here's the comment I wrote. Sorry about the first paragraph Tammy - but let's face it you've always been kinda perfect :)

"When I was a teenager I drew away from my Mum a little as the hormones kicked in, and she was really close to my big sister who I had a hard time living up to, so I guess I turned to friends. We had a good relationship generally, but not a 'copious confiding' one. When I was about 16 my big sister went overseas to study (at BYU) and my relationship with my wonderful mother bloomed. Now I'm married with a little baby and barely go a day without calling once or even 3 times to catch up, chat, ask housekeeping or 'mum' questions, etc. We are (and my sisters) so close, and she is my best friend besides my husband.

"THE SECRET: Even though we didn't always have this relationship my Mum was ALWAYS there - like Heavenly Father :) Even if I had been rude or mean or pushed her away or whatever, she has always been there, my biggest supporter. I love talking to her and hearing her advice and support, and hopefully being as good a friend to her as she is to me. I hope I can have this relationship with my kids one day, it's one of the most important things in my life.

"I should mention Mum never let me get away with anything and if I was doing anything wrong she would NOT let up! :) It's because of that that I trust her so much. SHe's the best kind of Mum & friend."

Just thought I'd share that becuase I LOVE MY MUM SO MUCH and she is a wonderful friend and mother and person. I am grateful that I have such a wonderful Mum to be Maggie's Gran!




(Wedding photos courtesy of Deep Grey. Maggie photo courtesy of me..;))

Do you have a wonderful Mother?