I'M SO HAPPY TO BE PREGNANT!!!!

I just spent a few minutes writing a post (below) about how terrible and awful I feel, and how I'm having a very difficult time being pregnant.  It is awfully hard and tough at the moment, but it is also, AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

I am soooooooooooooo excited!!! :)  I am overwhelmed a lot lately with all the 'hard' that comes with this time (that will hopefully be finished soon!!), but it feels like I have a bunch of layers of hard, starting at the outside - physically it's so hard, I'm so sick, then there's the next layer in of emotional hard - hard not being as 'there' as I want to be for the children, hard not looking after my husband and making his food the way I like to, hard being completely helpless and reliant on others to get my children to school, etc., being so useless, bla bla, bla Actually I think the emotional hard is a few layers all on its own.

But THEN, inside of me, right at the centre, surrounded by all the hard, is a sparkling ball of excitement and anticipation and wonder and gratitude and thrill and SO MUCH LOVE, that sends shivers and happiness through all my other layers when I can push aside the 'sick' and 'guilt' enough to let it!!!

Because we're having another BABY!!!!

We have 4 so far and there's not one among them who isn't AWESOME and AMAZING and INCREDIBLE, and one of the BIGGEST BLESSINGS OF OUR LIVES!!!!

And those little angels are sure excited about the baby in my tummy!!  As often as I can stomach it they are lying beside me rubbing my belly and talking to the baby :)  They can't wait to find out whether it's a boy or girl (tiebreaker round!!! ;)), and see it and hold it and cuddle it!! The girls are way too excited about how fat I'm going to get again!! ;)

Lately as I lie on the couch almost constantly, watching the children play, I often find myself just grinning at their awesomeness.  I love the way the girls are joined at the hip every second they're not in school.  Their imaginations are fabulous - they're mermaids, or princesses, or teachers, or pirates, or fairies, or doctors, or Mums, or aunties, or whatever the day brings.  They look after each other, and they look after me.

In this whole long journey so far of me basically being almost completely useless to these girls, they have not waned in their wonderful and helpfulness.  I am completely amazed at how incredible they've been - and I expect them to be good - they usually are!! :)  But they are soooo thoughtful and sweet!  They pray for the baby and me, they ask if they can get me anything, they look after their little brothers, they help out whenever they're asked cheerfully, and without complaint.  I seriously can barely believe how wonderful they are.  And I'm so grateful for them, and grateful that they're not just sick of me being sick and frustrated with the whole business and just wanting more attention.  They are the exact opposite, and have been so comforting to all of us!!  I never want to treat the girls like they have responsibilities like James & mine.  We are the parents, and it's time for them to be children and enjoy their time.  We definitely teach them to work and look after their things and look after each other, but not in a way that makes it their 'role' at this time.  Their role is to grow and learn and progress and love and build beautiful relationships and be happy and feel free and safe.  They'll be parents and homemakers of their own homes one day, and hopefully they will love it like we do!!  I don't want them to have a bad view of having children or a home to look after through any negative connotations of growing up in a big family and having big burdens placed on them through me not doing my job properly, if that makes sense.  Anyway, they have 'stepped up' at this time so beautifully and eagerly, without even being asked, and though they're helping me at times with things that I normally would never ask them to do, I'm so grateful that they're so kind and excited and happy to help, and they have seriously made this hard time so much easier for me by being such angels!!!  I can't stress how awesome they are.  And how cheerful and sweet!!!  And they have been such comforts to their brothers when I am being sick or something and they've led them away to play and distract them while I sort myself out!  Ana cleans the entire house every day she is home.  Without me saying a word to her I'll suddenly notice that they toys are all gone, and she's gone about and tidied everyone's rooms and made their beds.  What 4 year old does that?!  And Maggie gets home and assumes a place as everyone's entertainers and defenders, and reads to her siblings and thinks of fun games for them all to play together while I try to pull myself together.  They are both angels.

And then I watch the boys play.  And they're soooo so different to each other.  SJ is so quiet and sweet, and he has his own little world of cars and planes and dinosaurs, and he likes to share it with people, but it's special for him.  He loves giving cuddles and kisses and grins shyly when he comes and 'plants one on me' ;)  Christian just walks around trying to discover and destroy anything he can get his hands on at this stage, and he's so neverendingly cheerful and persistent and bouncy and loud, and loves being the center of attention!!!  They, unlike the girls, have spent this time fighting hard to get a bunch of attention from me.  If one of them is cuddling me the other will inevitably try to cuddle me too! - It has been very difficult for me when I'm super sick and it's really hard to have them crawling all over me, but what a blessing!  I have these 2 completely perfect and adorable and so different sons, who are so happy and sweet and loving, and love crawling all over me lol.  And SJ is starting to talk SO WELL, and loves testing out his language progress, and Christian is just so ridiculously confident in every way, nothing is a boundary to him.  Watching them makes me feel so happy - until the terror of them both thundering towards me for some quality cuddle time when I feel like I'm going to be sick comes round again ;)

It's been my longest ever break between children, and I am SO EXCITED to have a newborn baby again :)  I'm so excited to hold its tiny hands, and snuggle it all day long!  I'm so excited to feed it and look after it, and be awake feeding it in the middle of the night like we're the only two people in the world who are awake at that moment.  And I am SO excited for the love it's going to be getting from every angle around here!! :)  SJ seems to understand this time that there's a baby in my belly (he was 100% oblivious with Christian lol), and he has been soooo gentle and sweet patting my belly, and the girls are all over it.  They have been super big sisters/mother hens for a good 2 and a half years now (longer for Mags!), and are VERY excited for the new addition to our family.  They are having fun anticipating whether girls or boys will overtake the other in numbers around here, and keep chatting about what all of it's physical features will be, from the curly/straight hair debate to whether one of the children will have 'matching green eyes like Mummy's', or continue the 'brown eyed baby' trend the rest of this family follows :)

And of course James is super excited as well :)  At the moment he's all business trying to get us through this hard time and look after me and the other children, but he is the most incredible dad, I am so grateful he is my husband and our babies' father!!! They are soooooo blessed - we all are! - to have him!!! :)  Sometime in the first few hours after bub is born, we always manage to have some time up at the hospital while our other children are with our mums, and I will rest while James holds the tiny new baby in his arms and gets to know him or her.  It's such a beautiful time for both of them and I'm excited to see him bonding with the next one!!! :)

I know it's going to be hard/busy when bub is born next year.  When we had Christian last year and suddenly had 4 children 4 and under it was struggle time for me - I think it took me about 7 months to feel like I got my head above water again!!! But what a blessing of a challenge!!! By the time this 5th one is born Maggie will have turned 6 already, and she and Ana will both be in school full time, so I'll just have the 3 at home each day.  Every baby we have had has been such a happy, wonderful miracle in our lives, I really can't express how happy we are to know there's another on its way.  We feel sooo blessed!!!  When we were first married and it took us a long time to finally get Maggie, I don't think we could have imagined how blessed we would be to be surrounded with such beautiful children so quickly afterward!!

Oh and I know I said it but I'm so excited to have a newborn!!! I've always thought newborns were kind of boring, but since I've had mine, I've realised they're the most interesting, beautiful little things in the world!! :)  I will happily spend hours just staring at my baby, laughing every time it yawns, excitedly pointing every twitch out to James, or whoever is 'fortunate' enough to be nearby ;)  Babies are awesome.  They have no downsides.  Unless you count sleep deprivation as a 'downside', which you might be justified in doing ;)  But they are just perfect, and straight from God, and it's so exciting to be holding in your arms the tiny bub that's been chilling out in your belly for 9 months!! And so exciting for all of us to shuffle down to a 'new normal' in our family, with another little bundle of fabulousness.

So although I mentioned 'the hard stuff' in this post, and in great depth in the post below this one, if you look at the video in the post below that one, you'll see how excited I am ;)

Happy New Years!!! :)

Had the best New Years Day yesterday!! :)  I've been wanting to get some jobs done lately that just seem so 'big' in my current state!  It was James' last day of holidays and he was SO wonderful, bless him!  And the girls, who have had a crazy last few weeks, amenably slept for hours, so we could just 'do our stuff' :)

First, we got rid of Christmas!  Our house looks so lovely and clean and neat!!  We put away all of the Christmas decorations and cards and cushions, and everything else, and put out our usual house stuff.  Especially after the final vacuum, taking with it the last of the pine needles, it felt REALLY good! :)  I organised all of our Christmas things into new storage and organising containers I recently bought a million of, and love the new organised system!!! :)  I cleaned out the rest of the top of Ana's cupboard while I was there :)  We also managed to find places for ALL of the Christmas toys the girls received - no small feat!!  And I reorganised (even though they'd only had it for a week!) their little kitchen, and when they woke up we went through it together so they KNOW where EVERYTHING goes, and hopefully it's not as crazy in future! :)

Then, we organised everything Baby Boy :)   Until we move in the next few months, he gets 2 drawers to his little name - and a bassinet, if all goes according to plan and it EVER gets here! (We order through a shop which sell everything SO MUCH CHEAPER than everywhere else, but Maggie's cot, which we ordered over 3 months before she arrived, didn't arrive until well after they told us it would, after her birth!  They told us the bassinet would be here before the end of December, but alas - now they're saying end of January - and this boy will be here before then! :s  Hopefully it arrives just after he does?!!).  Anyway, I pulled out all of the lovely boy clothes we got for Christmas, and blankets, and toys, and organised them all :)  This is one of the FUNNEST parts of getting ready for baby :)  I put all of the clothes and blankets in the wash, and then used the drier instead of hanging them out, because it makes them so much fluffier and softer!! :)  I plan on having an ironing day this week, and getting them all beautifully ironed and folded and put away :)  It's so fun doing 'blue'!!! :)   With organising Boy's things, came organising my things too - to pack our hospital bags :)  I'll finish up properly when Boy's clothes are ironed and ready :)  It's all pretty exciting though!  I know I'm not quite in the 'nesting' stage, because as much as I love and was loving getting things ready for him, the urge was not accompanied by any kind of burst of energy, and I had to keep sitting down abruptly and resting cause I felt like I was going to faint half the day! :p  So hopefully that comes soon, and I can have another useful day or two before he gets here :)

We also managed to get out for a little grocery shop in the afternoon, including our first pack of newborn nappies ready to pack into the hospital bag :)  Sadly by that time I ended up sitting on a couch in the shopping centre and James running in to get the groceries (I love grocery shopping! :)), but we did it :)  James had (between helping me get things done all day) also been 'Mr Fix-It'-ing, fixing up a bunch of odd little things - he's always so onto stuff and handy, I love it!  :)

By the time we put dinner away and the girls went to bed, I felt fantastic!!  Everything is so clean and neat and organised right now, happy sigh!! :)  I sat on the couch and ate watermelon and read a book, and at some point fell asleep until James woke me up and took me to bed.  He used to carry me, but the whole 9 months pregnant thing seems to have ended that for now lol :)

So Happy New Years Everyone!!! Hopefully this year is as clean and fresh and exciting as Day 1 was for me!! :)  Bring on our Baby Boy and James starting teaching and everything else - 2013 is looking like our best year yet!!! :)

LOOONG Catch-Up!!!!!

Hey little personal blog/journal!!

It's been a little while since I've written anything remotely interesting on here, and I'm going to unashamedly blame it on being pregnant once again!!! :)  Yay!! :)  I'm just over 16 weeks now though, and have been getting better over the last 4 weeks - I've been pretty great for the last 2, but I'm tired a lot, the usual :)

Since I've been well again though, I've been spending my more awake time having lots of fun and outings with my fabulous girls, who were so patient with me for all those weeks when I lay on the couch uselessly, asking them to be gentle with me and basically being no fun at all!!  I am so GRATEFUL that James took a month off work completely during uni holidays, and got us through the worst of it, and by the time he started back full time (between work and study) I was getting back into it.

It's funny how hard morning sickness hits.  I guess a lot of people never get it, and if you're not grateful for that, you should be.  Because it's awful! - You just feel like you're dying!!! I kept saying to James "This is MUCH worse than the other two times - I'm dying!  This is awful!  I can't do this for 8 more weeks" and so on, but he just said "It's exactly the same sweetie, you've just forgotten!  But you'll get through it and you'll be okay" :) .  He took care of absolutely everything for us - meals, cleaning, looking after the girls, looking after me, running around town trying to satisfy my horrible cravings (I don't have fun cravings.  I've mentioned this before on this blog.  But it's more like "I need a Red Rooster chicken drumstick now or I'll die!" and less like "Hm... I'm craving chocolate.  Please go and buy me 3 blocks and I will eat them and chill out :)).  I was also probably insufferable to be around.  I devoured I don't know how many books, until I ran out, and became bored and more miserable.  I watched a bunch of movies and then got sick of them all.  I watched the entire first 4 seasons of Chuck.  Bless funny, random, light hearted shows you've never seen before for trying to take your mind off things!!  I felt like such a bad mother.  The girls ran riot if James ever went out, and I just felt sooo bad for them! - Bored and cooped up all the time! I'm so glad James was around to take them out and do stuff with them.  And he and Ana developed a wonderful relationship - the kind he's always had with Maggie but Ana's missed out on a little in her early days, because he was home a lot more when Maggie was born and has been a lot busier since Ana.  But they really bonded and it's wonderful to see now :)  She just adores him, and he her.  And Maggie loved having her main man around all the time!

By the end of the sickness, I started to feel like I was crazy, and maybe it was all in my head?  Maybe I was just lazy?  So I'd try to do more, and fail miserably, and end up in bed, much worse than before.  I just felt like I wasn't being a very good person.  And I never wanted to go out and do anything!  I would make plans with friends and then cancel cause I wasn't up to it, and I felt like such a bad friend!   But then I started to have days where I was actually well, and then you realise "Oh, I'm not a bad person - I'm not just lazy!  I was actually really, really sick!!!  Oh my word I feel great today!! I am going to clean my house and take the girls to the park!!  And catch up with friends!!  And make dinner!!" and it's just the most incredible feeling ever.  I keep saying to James "I just can't describe it.  It's like you're in this horrible black hole and you can't get better no matter what and then you start to doubt yourself and you don't know if you're lazy or what and then suddenly you're better!  And you realise that health is the most incredible blessing, and you don't ever realise how wonderful it is until you're stuck in that black hole for weeks on end, terrified that this time it won't end at 14 weeks!"  I don't know how the wonderful strong women (like my mother, who had 7 of us!) who are sick for the entire 9 months manage!  I find it extremely difficult to get through the first three months.

But as a result of that time, the last few weeks have been absolutely fabulously blissful.  I'm back!! And the girls and I have been having a lot of fun, and making up for all our time lost.  They are SUCH great girls, and I feel so lucky to get to hang out with them all day long!  They are the funniest ages and they have me in stitches all day, and they're so sweet and kind and funny!!!  And James and I have been leaving the house again - we even went to the temple last Friday night, and we're going to our Stake Ball tomorow night! - I don't know how I'll go fatigue-wise, but I'm super excited.

As usual, I put on WAY too much weight during trimester 1, but I've evened out a little just in the last couple of weeks, and I've come to terms with the fact that to help me feel a little better during that time, I just have to constantly eat, and to me it's a LOT easier to work out and lose the weight afterwards, than to try and stop myself from eating whatever I want during trimester 1!!  But hopefully I can repeat Ana's pregnancy, not the 30+kg's I put on with Maggie!!

And I am starting to get INCREDIBLY excited as I enter trimester 2, realising that I'm really going to be able to have another baby!! I'm always a little too nervous during the first 12 weeks to let myself be really excited, in case anything happens, but yesterday I went to the hospital and heard this little baby's heart beating for the first time, and in a few weeks we'll be able to find out whether it's a boy or girl, and I can't WAIT!!! That is my favourite part of pregnancy.  I love knowing what we're having.  It really helps me bond with baby.  We name it and talk to it, and I buy it pink or blue (pink so far, but it could be blue this time?! :)) and get everything ready for it, and it feels so much more real.  I can't wait!! James is pretty excited too :)  And so are Maggie and Ana.

So basically everything is complete sunshine at the moment, especially compared to being so sick - ugh!

Random bits and pieces:

• The fabulous Stacey came over the other week, and introduced us to 'Monopoly Deal', the card version of Monopoly.  Games only take maybe 15 minutes max. each, and it's a lot of fun.  I bought it for James for D.A.D (Daddy Appreciation Day) recently, and we've played it so many times he's sick of it, but I'm totally addicted!! :)
• My friend Estelle came over this afternoon to have some stamping fun with me, and she brought us dinner - uncooked.  I'm always saying I wish I were more confident cooking fish cause I love it, so she brought me the uncooked ingredients, and helped me prepare the fish for cooking, and all I have to do is chuck it in the oven half an hour before we want to eat!! Isn't that sweet?!  Dinner and a cooking lesson!! :)
• My Dad got broken into at his office again the other day.  It's happened a lot in the last year, and caused him a lot of grief and business loss, and it's really upsetting for our whole family I think.  Dad is just such a good person, and he works SOOOOO HARD and has my whole life, to support his family, and to have people just break in and take so much from him, is so hard to see.  They've been installing all sorts of security measures over the last year, and they just keep coming back.  This time, they actually like, dug a hole and broke through the bottom of a wall, and like, climbed in underground?! - Who does that?!!!  Anyway, they've had builders reinforce it all and I think they're putting in a new alarm system this time.  We are all praying that they stay away and that this break-in doesn't cause too much more grief than replacing all the valuable things in the office.
• I had to quit netball when I was only a little bit pregnant :(  I really, really wanted to keep playing, and stay fit during this pregnancy, but even though I switched out from Center and started playing on the wings, I was sick and fainting after games, and then you know, spent a really long time in bed doing nothing but being sick, and now I can't go back during this pregnancy.  I guess I'll save the organised sport for between pregnancies!
• James is in his last 6 months of uni.  Can you tell I'm grinning like a cheshire cat while I write this?!  Who knows where he'll be working this time next year?!!!! He has certainly worked hard for this degree, I'm so happy and excited for him, and for our whole family!!!  He will be so relieved to have a break from assignments hanging over his head all the time - I still seem to remember that feeling with perfect clarity!!
• This baby is due, 4 days before Maggie's 3rd birthday.  I'm guessing we won't be throwing her too big a party this year - I might miss it!!!
• Mum is currently designing her and Dad's new house.  I can't wait to see what it ends up looking like!! I couldn't do all the planning she is.  Well, at least, I really wouldn't want to.  Fortunately James will be just as keen as she is in that department - I'll just give him a list of what I want and let him do what he thinks with the rest of it when it comes our time!  Mum always makes things so beautiful though, so I can see why she'd want to do it herself!!  Meanwhile they're in a cute rental, and our childhood house is long sold to a young couple who are just starting a family.  I haven't driven past since they sold it.  I was so sick I didn't even take photos in every room and do any sort of 'goodbye wonderful house I lived in for 17 years!!' tour - which I SO would have done otherwise!!
• Elders Ben and Oliver have been on their missions for a year and 4 months now.  Isn't that crazy?!  They'll be home apparently before I know it, but it seems to be going awfully slowly!! We all miss them like crazy, but we're so proud of them.  They are working so hard and being so faithful and good!!  They make us smile whenever we think of them.  I still can't believe they haven't met Ana!!
• James is working with Dad at the moment. I like to think of them working together - My two favourite guys!!  :)  He's also coaching 3 teams at JPC and helping out with some of the PE classes there.  He's loving what he's doing, but it's certainly keeping him busy!!
• I lost some of my all time, FAVOURITE maternity clothes, and I'm devastated!! James thinks I must've accidentally taken them to Vinnies, and I just want to cry when I think about it!  Went maternity shopping the other weekend and found nothing.  I wish I had my pretty clothes back, sigh!!! 
• The J's live down the road now!  First I was sick, and since we've all had sick babies, but we're going over tomorow for a fun play (Jessima's put together a 'safari' which sounds fun!) and are happy that they're in our ward and we see them more often!! :)
• Baby Hallie = SO CUTE!! :)  And Beth = earth mother!! : ) We're planning on a visit next week - even though she's a lot closer now, the Gold Coast seems so far away at the moment! - But they do live pretty far south.  Hopefully more catch ups soon :)
• Ana and Maggie are so cute.  Did I say that already?!  They're best friends, they are both chatting (Ana only says a few intelligible words, but she's expanding her vocab rapidly(!) and Maggie will talk your ear off, all day, about everything :))  I'm in parenting heaven.  I'm so grateful for them and can't wait to find out what this baby is and then meet it in a few months!!! :)

Okay, My fish is going in the oven, so I'm going to go and watch it.  Hopefully I'll update more regularly soon, but I'm happy to say our little family blog is going strong, and I've been posting weekly on our new creative blog, so I'm sure enough of our little family history is being recorded - maybe just not giant posts about how awful morning sickness is, and how great life is afterwards :)  

Have a fabulous Thursday!!! :)  (Don't you love Thursdays?!  They're definitely one of my favourite days - so much hope on a Thursday I think!! :))

xoxox

A Love Affair.

Tammy introduced us, 14 days ago now, and it was love at first sight.

I didn't even try to resist - I was inspired, besotted. I resisted instigating actual contact, but have internet stalked to my hearts content, only to fall more deeply in love.

Because I'm not actually writing for Days of Our Lives, I'd better introduce you to the object of my affections...

kikki.K

I have always loved stationary. I love pretty notebooks and vibrant colours. I love pencils and crayons and pens and paints. I love quotes and diaries and organisers.

Nerdy?

I think not!!!

(James thinks yes.)

Lately I've been wanting to put together a pinboard, just for me. I want to put up my favourite photos that just I want to look at, without worrying what anybody else entering my house will think. I want to put up quotes I love and that inspire me to work harder and be better. I want to put up pretty pictures, and notes to self, and dream places to visit one day, and other dreams. I want to hang it up somewhere where I'll see it all the time. I want to have my art desk under it, and organise and create in my own little corner. It's just that that spot doesn't exist yet, so my whole pinboard project is on hold.

(Yes, I know about Pinterest. But I just deleted my Facebook account and have ruled that Blogging is my only internet time investment for now, so I'm not going to open something so tantalisingly fun and addictive looking! :))

When I went to Tammy's house before we went and met up with Faith & Tim the other week, Tammy had changed her room around, and on her wall, was my vision!! - a fabulous pinboard, full of cute pictures and quotes and 'things'. I should've taken a picture of it for this blog post. It was awesome. I loved a lot of the cute quotes and pictures Tammy had, and she told me they were from kikki-K. She'd gone there and found the board, then found so many cute things to go with it, and there'd been a MASSIVE sale on, and she'd ended up with a totally cute 'inspiration board' (as they call them at kikki-K). She also showed me a 'Gratitude' book she'd gotten from there to be used as a special diary, complete with cues, ideas, quotes, and a bunch of 'thankyou' cards at the back. AND she GAVE me an inspirational quote book exactly the same as the one she'd bought herself and cute quotes out of for her inspiration board! (the sale had been a 'if you spend this much you get it all half price, so she went wild :)). She also gave me the Gratitude Diary cause I liked it so much, and James said he'd love one too sometime because it was so awesome, but then I felt too guilty (!) stealing it so I gave it back (I know Bethany, I'm growing a conscience, shocking, but don't get your hopes up it's not developing rapidly or anything...). Anyway, I loved everything, and have been kikki-K online browsing ever since!!

Meanwhile, Tammy went on a trip around Australia for work (she should TOTALLY WRITE A BLOG POST about it - especially the 4 days in Tassie which Dad joined her for and they went sightseeing and had lots of fun), and in the Sydney airport she found a Gratitude Book and bought it for James, since she never bought him a birthday present!! (a fact nobody had remembered but herself lol :)). THEN, she bought me one too, and may have accidentally bought me a couple more things...

So here's my wealth of amazingly cool kikki-K things:






Don't you love it how they put 3 bookmarks in every book???!! I do :)

James and I both started writing in our gratitude diaries last night, and Tammy'll probably have an adorable kikki-K gratitude journal 'thankyou' note or two soon! :) The inspirational books and twine will to-tally be used on my inspiration board when I have it one day (in the not-too-distant-future, hopefully!!), and I've been commissioned to make Tammy some cards with the inspiration stickers :)

And check out some other random cool kikki-K bits and pieces (there are a few pics of their inspiration boards..:)):


Isn't stationary fun??!!! Isn't organisation fun??!!! Isn't inspiration and gratitude fun??!!!! :) Isn't Tammy the most generous and creative big sister??

Just Randomly Found and Loved this....

I wonder if we could write something like this for anything we stumble across.



http://www.minimalistmommy.com/Blog/?p=185

The lady who made this didn't write it - another lady in her infertility support group wrote it, but the pictures are of the lady who blogged it, with her son, so it looks like it all worked out :)