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I am glad for other things that don't take as much effort to be glad for too, but that's my start to the Glad Game today - see if you can turn something around too! :)
xo
I love James! He is a wonderful husband to me. Before he was a wonderful husband to me, he was a wonderful missionary. Before that he was a wonderful friend, and son, and nephew and grandson. One day (hopefully in this life!) he will be a wonderful father. I am blessed to have a husband who is my friend, who I love hanging out with, who is good for me, who I can talk about anything with and to whom I get closer every day. I am blessed to have a temple marriage, and to be sealed to a husband who is a worthy Priesthood holder, who teaches me so much, and who has righteous goals and purpose. I am grateful that James is such an active and hard working person, who is always itching to play sport or work hard or help someone out, and that he loves doing fun active things together. James always makes me happy :) We're a great team, I'm unbelievably excited to take that team through the eternities! Happy Birthday James, I love you!!! :) xx
PS: Today we also got good news - James got his uni transfer, so in a month and a bit he'll officially begin studying what he would LOVE to do with his life - highschool PE and SOSE teaching! :) Fun, I'm glad he'll finally be doing something he loves. I just keep reminding him that he might have to get into private school admin to support our 7 children :)
When James and I first got married 23rd November 2007, I went through a really tough time. I'd always wanted to be the perfect traditional wife and mother - perfect house, perfect dinner every night, etc., but I'd never bothered learning how to cook, figuring I'd be doing it forever and I'd just 'pick it up'. Unfortunately I wasn't suddenly the perfect wife, and I still (somewhat unsurprisingling in hindsight) didn't yet know how to cook anything at all. We also didn't have children straight away like we'd planned, and I sort of crumbled around the edges. Last year for James' birthday (less than 2 months after our wedding) we decided to have a barbeque with family and a few friends, and I lost it. My mum and two sisters came over that morning to help me out (James was working and I was going to get everything ready so he could walk straight into the BBQ upon arrival), and I just sat there, not having a clue what to do. They didn't want to be pushy, so they were waiting for my cue, but I just crumbled. In the end dad came over and took me shopping for ingredients while my blessed mother and sisters cleaned our unit, and then dad did the BBQ while mum did salads, and I just felt stupid and scared of people coming over. My familiy were shocked! - I'd always been so confident and capable, but I had a really hard time when I first got married. I think it was not living at home for the first time, not being perfect, not being pregnant, and wanting soooo badly to be perfect, like my mother, like I always thought I would be, being so far from it, having a messy house and not having the time to clean it working all the time and studying, etc., whatever - a big mix of things.
I'm telling you this so I can tell you my happy ending :) Last year James worked full-time and did a TAFE diploma in Business - Human Resource Mangement. I studied full time in my last year of primary school teaching (including big pracs and internships), and worked 3 jobs part time. James is the ward Young Mens president and I'm the music leader in primary, but for half the year he was the Ward Mission Leader and I was the 1st Counsellor in the Young Women's Presidency. James played basketball Wednesday nights and I filled in for women's games in the same comp. I've never stressed much before - I could never see the point or be bothered. Last year I made up for it: 22 years of stress in one. I stressed like never before, over seemingly insurmountable tiny little bumps: I stressed about not having kids, I stressed about the relationships between me and my families, I stressed over uni, I stressed over work, I stressed about not being able to cook, not having our little unit clean all the time, not keeping up to scratch on my viola. The year went by in one big ball of stress and feeling like a failure. I don't think I've ever felt like a failure before, but this year it was like I could barely keep my head above water, 24/7, and it seemed like I kept failing at EVERYTHING! In October, I was rejected from my dream job (apart from motherhood!), which I had apparently been a 'shoe-in' for. I didn't know what we'd do next year, with James hopefully going to study full-time and I was terrified.
Fasting, praying, enter November:
My wonderful husband suggested I take a week off all work in the week after I finished uni forever and my full-time 6-week stress-filled internship, and spend some time and some of our savings, 'doing up' our little unit. Enter the happiest week I've had all year, and possibly in my life.
I spent the week cleaning our little home, and shopping for little bits and pieces to make it ours. I got a pretty quilt and put together a non-set of cushions and a throw rug, and bed-side pieces for the spare room, and got it right. I bought white and blue towels for the spare bathroom, then got matching little candles. Mum bought us a little wooden outdoor setting I 've wanted since before we got married to put on our previously depressing little veranda, as well as bed-side tables (finally! - our little 'poofs' went straight to the spare room :)). We even got a new kitchen bin - something that sounds so insignificant but has made such a difference! I cleaned and altered and cooked and fulfilled my divine role by making our home a little closer to the temple - a place of peace and refuge, a place to feel the spirit. A place no longer cluttered and confused and messy. I am so grateful for that week, for my husband for knowing or being inspired to encourage me to do those things that made me so happy, and for caring, and coming with me, and suggesting, but for letting me create, for letting me choose. For my mum for helping us out by buying those things, and coming with me some days.
Enter December:
I graduated from uni after 5 years and on the same day I got a phone call offering me a wonderful job teaching year 6 at what seems like a great school nearby. James graduated from TAFE and got accepted into Uni.
I turned around one day and noticed that the sun was shining. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ carried me through this year, that they knew every second how I was feeling and was giving me all of those experiences to help me learn and grow. I know that I couldn't have done it without the Holy Ghost comforting me. And suddenly it was a wonderful year. We achieved so much! James has a diploma and can study full time! I have a degree and will work full-time. I've learnt to trust in the Lord, and am no longer crying once a day, or even once a week or fortnight because we don't have children yet! I know that last year wasn't the best time for us, and that it will happen in the Lord's time.
So last year I spent the day of James' birthday celebration sitting on a chair in our little living room, trying to distract my mum and sisters from the fact that I felt helpless and lost, while waiting for them to save me. This year I spent it with one of those sisters in a delightful afternoon of planning and giggling and shopping and decorating and cooking and preparing :)
I'm so grateful for 2008, and I'm grateful for my family.
Enter, 2009... :)