I have gone through a range of emotions about this in the past few months. I have had some throwbacks to when it took us over two years to have Maggie in our family. I have been down about it, then I worried that I'd forget how to have a baby if it took too long, and like 'move on' in my head and have a hard time going back. I've felt upset, wondering 'what if we never have any other babies?!' and I've been worried that we will have all the children we want, but spaced over years and years and years, so that by the time we finish having babies I'll be 50 and it'll be too late to go on a mission or do anything - I'll just give birth forever and then die, etc., etc. And I don't really like being pregnant or labour, so I don't want to drag that part out! I look forward to the day when I know I will not have anyone else sharing my body with me or have to go through labour again in this lifetime!
ANYWAY, the last few weeks I have been in a very healthy phase of this journey - enjoying the time I have with our girls and not pregnant, without half planning my life around possibly being pregnant in so many months, or wasting time worrying about number 3. It is soooooooooooo fun just having two little girls. I really want that son sometime, (and more daughters!), but we just have so much fun together, especially when I embrace it, without wondering about when said son is or isn't going to join us! So I'm embracing the pink, the Barbies, the ribbons and bows, the polka dots and dresses, the sisterliness and the motherliness of these little girls. I'm embracing the fact that Maggie loves brushing my hair, and Ana loves having her hair brushed too! I'm embracing their dress ups, and dancing everytime music is on, and checking themselves out in the bathroom mirror. The tea parties, the purses, tiaras, the wands, the wings, the princesses, the cuddles, the books, the toys, the baking, the helping, the babies, the dolls, the ruffles, the twirling and giggles. Aren't little girls fun?? :) I have always embraced these things, but now I'm doing it and leaving future boys out of it. Because maybe I am only going to have these two gorgeous little girls. Maybe the next one is 5 years away. Maybe we'll have 6 more girls (!) But whatever's the case, I'm sure it'll all be perfect when it happens, and in the mean time I've ditched the worry and put my trust back in the Lord. And we are really having fun!!! :)